The cunning brat of a love child

Do you want to know why Bigshot and I are lame? Because we call everything in our household, including our one-year- old, 5 gallon water bottle with a name.

If anyone has seen the movie, The Imitation Game would know who Christopher is in the movie, as he is the character Benedict Cumberbatch, who is playing the role of mathematician, Alan Turing falls in love with during his childhood and will eventually end up calling his enigma machine he has created with that exact name. So as you can see, the name has NO significant relevance to our water bottle whatsoever, but please let me introduce you to Mr. Christopher.

This love child bottle of Bigshot has a love-hate relationship with me. Ever since we bought him home exactly one year ago, there were nothing but trouble and pain. I sometimes even think of ways to hurt Christopher so that we can end up buying a regular water filter like normal people do. Because if I tell you the process that goes into getting water in this household, you are going to agree with me completely. Every time Christopher has no water in him, we take him out in our car, buckle him up in the back seat and fill him up in the supermarket by wasting 5 minutes of our time while he fills up. See the face of the man responsible for this in the below picture and also see the gloating face of Christopher.

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Obviously we carry him all the way back to the car in a trolley but then again, he has to be buckled up and once we reach home the water needs to be poured onto the water dispenser, which we have not named yet, thankfully.

Definitely all of you have one same question in your mind now. “Why you do this?” Because this love child of Bigshot has an upper hand on him than me, it’s like the psychological thriller movie Orphan, where the orphan manipulates the father into believing she is innocent while the mother is struggling to convince her family that the orphan is in fact a 100-year-old psychopath. And believe you me, Christopher is not as harmless and innocent as you think he is. The tantrums he throws for attention and care are beyond my patience.

Once we were so tired from carrying him all the way back to the house, okay fine that’s a lie, once Bigshot was tired from carrying him all the way back to the house that  we he decided to keep him on the carpet just so that we he can breathe for 5 minutes, but Christopher felt like he was not given proper maintenance that he purposely decided to leak all over the carpet. This plastic prick has a way of getting things done his way and that is the exact reason now we buckle him up in the back seat like our not-yet-born offspring because if you leave him alone in the trunk of the car, he starts his over dramatized rolling around and also would make loud thumping noises which we can hear all the way in the front.  Like last Friday for example, I had kept him near the washer room and was minding my own business while folding the clothes when he “accidentally” decides to fall on my feet and hurt my toe. But whenever I tell Bigshot we need to replace Christopher with a water filter, I could see Bigshot’s disappointed face and also all the way back from the washer room, I could hear someone making resentful panting sound.