The battle we fight.

Remember when were kids our parents would tell us these bizarre made-up stories to make us do something or to be precise, to make us from doing something. Yeah that is the exactly what we do now to ourselves, atleast that’s what I do to myself. There is always a constant need to make reasons or justifications for any decisions we make.  It’s always a copping machanism to feel good about our choices and behaviour. And for some weird reason I always need to address myself as a third person in my head. “Lakshmi that was a bad move, a very bad move.” “You can do better than this, Lakshmiii” “Pull yourself together Geeth!” “Think before you speak, you freak” etc.

But what I never realized till yesterday is that we take ourselves too seriously and end up constantly criticizing our own existence. Please don’t mistake me if an ambitious person is pushing themselves for what they want to do with their life or simply a person who wants to reach a better position in his/her career. I’m not talking about any of that. I’m talking about all of us trying to change the person that we already are. I’m talking about everything a person dreams of becoming by blindly following someone’s life. Instead of saying “Lakshmi you need to be more like him/her.” Say “Lakshmi you are different, enjoy being you.”
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Bigshot and I had an arranged marriage and yes in this time the concept of arranged marriage has become more of a fancy word people use when they couldn’t find somebody to love on their own. Atleast that’s what the society portrays it to be. And when people do get married after falling in love, it has become a constant battle between the families, atleast in India that is. But whether I thought about the consequences of marrying a total stranger and traveling all the way across the country to be with him? Definitely not. Am I sure the same thing would have turned out to be good for somebody else? Again, that’s a big no. Today I was reading an article about a woman who is from India and after being emotionally blackmailed by her parents she had to get married to a guy of their choice. Later on she couldn’t stand the void she felt with her husband and the controlling in-laws that she decided to elope from India. Now she is working in Amsterdam, happily and enjoying her life. So everybody has a story and we are the creators of such stories. My life will not work out for somebody else and I cannot possibly imagine exchanging this life I have with anybody. So what is the point of comparing and analyzing ourselves all the time with others when they are not even living your life? It’s your life, it’s your story. You cannot try to have the same climax from the other person’s story. It will never make sense in the end. Make your own story, maybe it’s boring, adventurous, crappy, emotional, sad, hungover, it doesn’t matter. As long as you write your own, nobody will have the power to change the ending, except for you.