Today, I’m angry. Today I want to rant. Today I want to make a point. No matter how much I speak about it here, there will be a well-educated person somewhere in this world, assuming that Bigshot and I don’t want to have a child of our own. Fortunately I don’t meet these people that often, but somehow it shocks me to my very core that they are going around preaching their so called norms about marriage and starting a family to others. As a married person who is about to celebrate her 2nd wedding anniversary next month, I’m under tremendous pressure and scrutiny to bear a child. In fact the both of us are so far away from home that there are no neighbor aunties waiting outside their house just so that they can give us marital advice on having a baby. But still the pressure is too much. So imagine the condition of married couples surrounded by relatives, distant relatives, cousins, neighbors, friends and even the house maid who cannot stop asking you about a baby!
Do you want a kid? Have you started trying for a baby? Isn’t that a personal question I’m asking? Don’t I think it’s wrong to ask someone about their personal life until they decide to speak to me about it? In India it has somehow become a normal routine for people to ask this question just like a regular question of how are you or even asking for a glass of water. People don’t think it’s rude to ask such a question because they think there is nothing wrong with asking about your future offspring because they feel they have all the rights to know when you will start trying for a baby and why you should not wait to have a baby right now. Nowadays some people have the habit of defending themselves at first by saying “I’m not supposed to be asking but you should have a baby soon. Take it as an advice or else it will be very difficult to have a child”. There is so much of wrongness in that sentence. First of all, If you think you aren’t supposed to say something, you are probably right, you shouldn’t. Secondly, Not having a child is not the end of the world or the end of a marriage. Again, most of them live in the century wherein the king had to have a son to carry forward his legacy and if the queen can’t bear a child, she is replaced by a different woman. Because women were told from a millennium ago that they are married only to bear a child and then to take care of the child while the husband hunts for food.
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To curtain and tackle such issues both women and men need to remember that they don’t owe it to anyone to have a child in this world. It is a joint decision by the man and woman whether to have a child or when to have a child and its definitely should not be taken because of an emotional interference from a sick father or a 90 year old grandmother. If you have been trying for a child and has been unsuccessful at it, you don’t need to answer those who haunt you everyday. You need the courage to ignore them and eventually they will be bored. Lastly, If you don’t want to have a child in your life, remember that it doesn’t make you a lesser man or woman or a husband or a wife. But when the questioning doesn’t stop, you ask them back a simple question, will my answer please you?
Author: Lakshmi Geeth
I’m an ordinarily odd person who is pleasant to talk to. When I’m not trying to be funny, I would be lying on the floor bawling my eyes out. I write weird stories, real life snippets, traumatic and dramatic memories along with doses of unsolicited advices. 🙂