Darker than the darkest period

Remember my earlier post ‘The Darkest Period‘ written on the darkest period In a day and how hormones and having a uterus plays with your mind?  Well, move over, ‘The Darkest Period’ because the ‘Darker than the darkest period’ is here!!! It’s really fascinating to look at yourself during those five days and realize you are behaving like a train wreck but oddly enough, you have no control over it whatsoever to not let it affect your life. During the first two days you are actually possessed by a cranky, depressed, neurotic spirit  who wouldn’t leave your soul no matter how much extreme of an exorcism is performed.

The evil spirit this time decided to crawl up on my body the first thing in the morning yesterday when I woke up because the moment I opened my eyes, I was hating on the whole idea of having to get up in the first place. It felt like the gravity really wanted me to be as close as it can get to me and I wanted to surrender to its power. But a hungry man-child who was showering for an hour long reminded me to snap out of it and get up. But you see, as he hogs the bathroom from morning 7 to 8:30, the only time any other human in this house can use the bathroom is either before 7 or after 8:30. Today as I was making breakfast, I wished I had woken up earlier. The self-hatred in me pointed out that it was ME who did not wake up to the alarm, it was ME who decided to lay in the bed looking into the ceiling, it was ME who did not voice the need to use the bathroom first. It was all my fault in MY head.

After a rather insensitive see off to Bigshot, I decided to have my breakfast and make peace with my mind which by now was running in circles thinking about the most random topics. As I sat on the couch having my bowl of oatmeal, one of the duct tape that was holding the cuts on our couch came off and scratched my legs. On a normal day I would have reminded myself on buying a new couch and would have let it go. But today I had a personal enemity towards that couch which made me want to hurt it. I don’t think anybody could have thought such violent thoughts about a couch like I did yesterday.

Towards afternoon I was only getting worse. Because soon after I started preparing lunch, I yelled at a knife for being not sharp enough and threw it in the dustbin. If my ego was a human he would have been booed because within 5 minutes I realized that it was the only knife that could cut small vegetables and took it back from the dustbin. I know what you’re thinking now, yes, I washed the knife. As the day passed by, my irritation and the need to snap at every single non-living thing increased so much so that the whole house seemed to be plotting against me.

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If you are a malayali, you might have seen the movie, Manichitrathazhu, where Shobana casually asks Suresh Gopi whether she can go out with the others to buy gold for someone’s marriage. As he keeps saying no to her request, in accordance to the instructions of his Psychologist friend in the movie, the scene  somehow progresses into something horrific when her character turns into the spirit/alter-ego of Nagavalli, a tamil dancer waiting to take revenge and grabs the bed with just one hand only to realize immediately what has happened to her.

The only difference between this scene and the scene that happened yesterday evening in this household was that, I was holding a towel instead of the bed. Why, you ask? Because as soon as he came from the office, he ate my favorite snack, salsa and chips while I was taking a shower. I got so upset that he did not wait for me that the possessed hormones in me broke into a fit and started cleaning the dishes while firing imaginary shots of fire at him from both my eyes. The self hate combined with the hatred towards everything moving and non-moving exhausted me by night. As I lay with my man-child, who wrapped me like an insect in a spider’s web, tears rolled down my eyes for reasons I cannot comprehend this bright and beautiful day.  But days like yesterday always make you appreciate regular and normal days when you are yourself again. Until next time, goodbye Nagavalli!