The Darkest Period

“Once in every 25 days” are the 5 words Bigshot used to perfectly describe the darkest periods (Pun intended) of my life. That’s the only day in my life I behave like the lead character of a soapy serial where the actress is the only one going through a traumatizing experience and all the burdens of life is in her own shoulders. During that particular day, I’m not even aware or in control of the things I say or do. If there was background music in real life, my dialogues on that particular day can be made into one hell of a tv show. Who says “Nobody in this world loves me,  but I’ve survived all these years without being good enough. I’ll survive today too.” While writing this down I may even have hurled a little bit in my mouth. But what actually happens to me on that particular day? What kind of hormone makes someone project themselves into a whiny little loser who cannot be happy in life ever again? That’s right, screw you, Progesterone and Estrogen!

Yesterday for example, I woke up feeling good, I even wrote a bloody post on Gumption! Then slowly somehow the day descended down from a bright shiny day into a gloomy dull day where the whole meaning of life and existence came into picture. I think it started around the time I was cleaning up the kitchen after a heavy breakfast. I somehow decided to ignore the devil crawling up in me and focused my attention on the book I’m supposed to be finishing by now. I had brought around 7 books and other than the fact that I’ve arranged them neatly on my living room, I haven’t been able to finish more than two. Okay, I’ve gone off track, so as I struggled to read, I thought of wasting few minutes of my time on the phone going through my social media. One thing lead to another and another thing lead to another and I had officially wasted two hours of that day scrolling through my phone. That was the main trigger point because soon enough I started behaving and becoming this cranky woman who hasn’t showered, eaten or slept in a week.

By evening, darkness had completely engulfed my entire brain and instead of rejoicing the free time to do the work I badly wanted to finish, I decided to sit and sulk over the fact that Bigshot was half an hour late to come back home. I even made the unusual call to his number to let him know that I was pissed off. While the guy tried his best to make up for a simple delay, I behaved even further like a nightmare and kept the phone. After he came back, he took me in his arms, cradled me like a baby while stroking my hair till my attention craving mind was fully satisfied. Afterwards I simply clinged on to his dear life without even letting him to go and pee, fearing the moment he leaves, my happy place will turn into a dark and dingy one.

As we got ready to go to bed for an early sleep, I threw a tantrum AGAIN because why not start whining for the mere pleasure of some more attention. And after much persuasion, I finally got up from the couch and jumped into the bed without finishing my night routine and started crying. As tears fell down from my eyes straight to the bed, Bigshot laid down next to me and asked,

“Why are you crying”

“I don’t know” I cried even further.
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“Okay, this is once in 25 days that’s all” he calmly said.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“You behave once in every 25 days like this and it’s completely normal to feel the way you do. Now, once you sleep you will feel much better. Come on”

He was absolutely right! As we speak now, it’s a new day and I woke up feeling much better. The light has slowly started falling into the darkness and soon it’s going to cover the entire place with beautiful colors of warm fuzzy lights 🙂

Have a good day/night everyone 🙂