When you get married, certain things are inevitably lost, like your ability to make decisions on your own, ability to poop in an open bathroom. But after a year into marriage we exploit each other in certain ways we don’t even realize and two such events occurred this weekend.
Friday evening:
Every Friday Bigshot and I go out to buy groceries for the coming week and since he came pretty late that particular day, we decided to do the whole process briskly. But for the past two weeks I’m having Bigshot constantly crib and crave about a drink which he used to relish in his childhood days, Rasna. This 90’s favorite cold drink of children have unfortunately taken a huge place in his mind that whenever he sees food, he has to make a comment about how badly he misses it.
So I decided to get that in the Indian store while we were there and before I could start looking for it, he came near me and whispered Rasna as a reminder. I wondered why he had to whisper and went looking for it all over the store. While he went to bill the rest of the items, I almost reached the section for drinks and I could see him standing at the counter with the trolley. We passed glances at each other and then this happened.
BS: “What are you looking for Geeth?”
Obviously I was rendered speechless, and I looked at him for a second and replied,
ME: “Umm.. Rasna??”
He started talking to the guy in the counter in an animated way and then came towards me along with him.
Counter guy: “Rasna is here” and he pointed at the bottom shelf where I was standing.
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BS: “Okay, which flavor do you want, Geeth? Orange or Mango?”
I was again, dumbstruck, thinking why was he asking me. Surely I had no interest in Rasna or its flavors. I looked at him and noticed his eyes pointing towards the mango flavored ones while making sure that the counter guy standing behind him doesn’t see his facial gimmicks.
ME: “Yes yes I want the mango one”
BS: “Okay cool, If that’s what you want, let’s go.”
Sunday afternoon:
Sephora is a beauty/make-up outlet all over the USA and whenever we go there, Bigshot will hand me a moisturizer and ask me to bill it in the counter, to make them believe that it is NOT for him. According to Bigshot, men do not use moisturizer, they use wax to protect their face since they are not humans and clearly they don’t have any skin. I cannot stop rolling my eyes while I write this. Anyway,
So that Sunday he wanted to buy a new face wash with a certain preference, so before entering the outlet he gave me a set of instructions as to what I should tell them and ask regarding the face wash and not to look at him EVER during the entire conversation with the ladies who work there. But to my horror, the conversation went in this way.
ME: “Hey, I’m looking for a face wash which will be good for dry skin, do you have any suggestions?”
Lady: “You want something oil-based or cream-based?”
ME: “Can you show the best in both and I…”
This is when he interrupted me and decided to take my small rat face as a whole in his gigantic hand and use it as a map to illustrate and tell her the following,
BS: “Actually she has an oily T-zone and the rest of the area is dry, so which one would you suggest, you know FOR her?”
Lady: “Umm, I think Blah would be perfect for her then.”
BS: “Okay, thanks.”
Even though he manhandled my face in front of that lady and even though I do not have an oily T-zone, I imagined the gazillion times he has taken shit for me, while billing the face wash in the counter.
Author: Lakshmi Geeth
I’m an ordinarily odd person who is pleasant to talk to. When I’m not trying to be funny, I would be lying on the floor bawling my eyes out. I write weird stories, real life snippets, traumatic and dramatic memories along with doses of unsolicited advices. 🙂
