Nobody should remember the first couple of meetings they have with me, if anybody has gone through more than 3 of them would comply with this piece of information. First of all I’m NOTHING like how you imagine me from the way I write, yes but, well wait, I’m weird, clumsy and a dork in general but I certainly do not speak or emote very well the initial few meetings. The feather in the cap is that my awkward socializing skill is beyond any repair and to think I majored in marketing sounds like a solid, well planned decision I ever made.
The first time I meet someone my body language changes into a defensive mode with the hands folded and the eyes and the head leaning towards the ground as if I’m fighting against my will with gravity. I would not stop admiring the wonderful flooring and my big feet when somebody tries to look at me. The worst part is when my head starts to mess around while I’m in the middle of a conversation, “Oh god, you really shouldn’t be staring at that person’s eyes for that long, now you are just staring at their nose, stop staring like that, Geeth!! What is with your hand, keep them both to your sides and stop throwing them around into the air and scaring people off. Also, can’t you stand straight and not make those irritating noises with your shoe.” I mean, not only is socializing stressful, but to add to that there is a voice in your head who is constantly criticizing your social skills, there is a higher chance of being completely zoned out. My zoning out may sometimes be misconstrued as being aloof as almost all of my answers do not match to the questions or worst, the context of the conversation, like for instance,
Recently we were purchasing few grocery items from this supermarket, where the staff in the billing counter are extremely friendly and helpful. But it comes with a big con for losers like me who do not know how to take part in a small talk like a normal human being. If only I had taken the picture of this amazing looking man who was billing our items that particular day. He was exactly like how Santa Claus would be during the summer, short pearly white beard with relaxed white shirt, just chilling out in disguise. And his smile reminded me of Dumbledore, who is one of the main characters in the Harry Potter series, In fact, this 50 something man was quiet a cocktail between Santa Claus and Dumbledore. Santadore gave us the warmest smile and as usual, I smiled like a retard for a bit longer than the intended normal time. He politely ignored that ridiculous smile and started off with some usual small talk with Bigshot and I, whilst billing our basket.
“You found everything alright?” Santadore asked me.
“Oh yeah.” I said
“Where are you from?” Santadore questioned.
“We, we are from Greensboro..” Immediately regretting that answer.
“We are from India” Bigshot interrupted at the right moment.
“You purchased all healthy items.” Santadore said, with an almost perfect Robert De Nero expression.
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“You both are married?” Santadore decided to move on to Bigshot now.
“Yes we are.” Bigshot finished with a smile and was ready to swipe that card and get the hell out of there. He could not stand his wife embarrassing him anymore. But Santadore was not finished with us, or the billing.
“Is she a good cook?” Santadore asked again.
“Yes in fact, she is.” finished Bigshot and I started smiling like a retard again staring at his beard. He smiled back at me and that is when I zoned off completely that the next question seemed like a non-audible video where Santadore is smiling and saying something to me.
Assuming that he is complimenting my cooking skill, I said “Thank you.” For which he was taken aback and I decided to act like nothing happened. So Santadore repeated himself again, this time I concentrated on each word coming out of his mouth and it said,
“That would be 11.23 dollars” still smiling at me.
So when he said 11.23 before, instead of paying I said, thank you. And Bigshot did not help either when all of this was going on, as he was busy enjoying it. I was made fun of the entire conversation until the next time I had another human to human conversation.
Author: Lakshmi Geeth
I’m an ordinarily odd person who is pleasant to talk to. When I’m not trying to be funny, I would be lying on the floor bawling my eyes out. I write weird stories, real life snippets, traumatic and dramatic memories along with doses of unsolicited advices. 🙂